Every once in a
while, one of our friends might actually forget how painful it is to have two
autistic kids at a house party. It's
happened again today. Let's check the
old LeBel-party scoreboard…
Number
of drinks spilled: zero
Number of broken
- glasses: zero
- picture frames: zero
- family heirlooms: zero
- bones: zero
Number of times the
hostess told Mr LeBel to
- stop his children from [fill in blank] ______________: zero
- keep his hands to himself: zero
- keep his "eyes up here, mister": zero
- leave immediately: zero
- never come back: zero
- "get stuffed", "f*ck off" or equivalent: one (lesson learned : insulting a British woman's gardening ability is akin to insulting the cooking ability of a woman from any other culture)
Number
of people staring at the kids until they were either bitch-slapped or told the
kids are autistic: one
Number of actual
slaps delivered:
- LeBel to others: zero
- Others to LeBel: zero
- LeBel to LeBel: zero
- Total slaps: zero
Number of suicide
attempts by:
- cutting: zero
- poison: zero
- drowning: zero
- electrocution: zero
- running into traffic: zero
- jumping off a balcony: one
- How many floors: four, technically, but he would have landed on the downstair's neighbour's balcony one floor down.
Which
proportion of the suicide attempts were successful? 0%
Number of
party-stopping shrieks:
- by LeBel: one
- by others: zero
Number of meals
successfully eaten (max one per person):
- by LeBel adults: two
- by LeBel children: zero
Number
of minutes endured until the children became unbearable and it was time to
leave: 100 minutes
The final score,
therefore, is acceptable. Not bad.
The shriek cost us dearly, but may have saved us the huge penalty score
for a successful suicide attempt. Maybe
next time, we'll prepare the kids with a few social stories and possibly even
manage to cram a hotdog into one of the children... Then again, maybe next time Mrs LeBel will
actually slap a pompous mom with normal kids and a staring problem!
Hilarious post, and great to hear from you! Hopefully outings will just get better and better from here on in :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! I've been running low on blog ideas, so I figured a little blog break might help them build up. It's not like I have a deadline to make, right?
ReplyDeleteha ha ha ha ha!! I'm hearin ya!! I'm the mum of two autistic boys too and I've also been through it all. Loved your blog post, thanks for sharing and making me feel better xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a while now, and in yesterday's post on Autism Dad Blogs, I linked it, along with some others. Take a look:
ReplyDeletehttp://findmyaddress.blogspot.com/2012/03/autism-dad-blogs.html