Sunday, October 30, 2011

The lebelinoz family went to a party!

Every once in a while, one of our friends might actually forget how painful it is to have two autistic kids at a house party.  It's happened again today.  Let's check the old LeBel-party scoreboard…

Number of drinks spilled:  zero

Number of broken
  • glasses:  zero
  • picture frames: zero
  • family heirlooms:  zero
  • bones:  zero

Number of times the hostess told Mr LeBel to
  • stop his children from [fill in blank] ______________:  zero
  • keep his hands to himself:  zero
  • keep his "eyes up here, mister":  zero
  • leave immediately:  zero
  • never come back:  zero
  • "get stuffed", "f*ck off" or equivalent:  one (lesson learned :  insulting a British woman's gardening ability is akin to insulting the cooking ability of a woman from any other culture)

Number of people staring at the kids until they were either bitch-slapped or told the kids are autistic:  one

Number of actual slaps delivered:
  • LeBel to others:  zero
  • Others to LeBel:  zero
  • LeBel to LeBel:  zero
  • Total slaps:  zero

Number of suicide attempts by:
  • cutting:  zero
  • poison:  zero
  • drowning:  zero
  • electrocution:  zero
  • running into traffic:  zero
  • jumping off a balcony:  one
    • How many floors:  four, technically, but he would have landed on the downstair's neighbour's balcony one floor down.

Which proportion of the suicide attempts were successful?  0%

Number of party-stopping shrieks:
  • by LeBel:  one
  • by others:  zero

Number of meals successfully eaten (max one per person):
  • by LeBel adults:  two
  • by LeBel children:  zero

Number of minutes endured until the children became unbearable and it was time to leave:  100 minutes

The final score, therefore, is acceptable.  Not bad.  The shriek cost us dearly, but may have saved us the huge penalty score for a successful suicide attempt.  Maybe next time, we'll prepare the kids with a few social stories and possibly even manage to cram a hotdog into one of the children... Then again, maybe next time Mrs LeBel will actually slap a pompous mom with normal kids and a staring problem!


  1. Hilarious post, and great to hear from you! Hopefully outings will just get better and better from here on in :)

  2. Thanks! I've been running low on blog ideas, so I figured a little blog break might help them build up. It's not like I have a deadline to make, right?

  3. ha ha ha ha ha!! I'm hearin ya!! I'm the mum of two autistic boys too and I've also been through it all. Loved your blog post, thanks for sharing and making me feel better xoxoxoxo

  4. I've been following your blog for a while now, and in yesterday's post on Autism Dad Blogs, I linked it, along with some others. Take a look: