Sunday, October 30, 2011

The lebelinoz family went to a party!

Every once in a while, one of our friends might actually forget how painful it is to have two autistic kids at a house party.  It's happened again today.  Let's check the old LeBel-party scoreboard…

Number of drinks spilled:  zero

Number of broken
  • glasses:  zero
  • picture frames: zero
  • family heirlooms:  zero
  • bones:  zero

Number of times the hostess told Mr LeBel to
  • stop his children from [fill in blank] ______________:  zero
  • keep his hands to himself:  zero
  • keep his "eyes up here, mister":  zero
  • leave immediately:  zero
  • never come back:  zero
  • "get stuffed", "f*ck off" or equivalent:  one (lesson learned :  insulting a British woman's gardening ability is akin to insulting the cooking ability of a woman from any other culture)

Number of people staring at the kids until they were either bitch-slapped or told the kids are autistic:  one

Number of actual slaps delivered:
  • LeBel to others:  zero
  • Others to LeBel:  zero
  • LeBel to LeBel:  zero
  • Total slaps:  zero

Number of suicide attempts by:
  • cutting:  zero
  • poison:  zero
  • drowning:  zero
  • electrocution:  zero
  • running into traffic:  zero
  • jumping off a balcony:  one
    • How many floors:  four, technically, but he would have landed on the downstair's neighbour's balcony one floor down.

Which proportion of the suicide attempts were successful?  0%

Number of party-stopping shrieks:
  • by LeBel:  one
  • by others:  zero

Number of meals successfully eaten (max one per person):
  • by LeBel adults:  two
  • by LeBel children:  zero

Number of minutes endured until the children became unbearable and it was time to leave:  100 minutes

The final score, therefore, is acceptable.  Not bad.  The shriek cost us dearly, but may have saved us the huge penalty score for a successful suicide attempt.  Maybe next time, we'll prepare the kids with a few social stories and possibly even manage to cram a hotdog into one of the children... Then again, maybe next time Mrs LeBel will actually slap a pompous mom with normal kids and a staring problem!